Paddling the Deep End

Nothing gains you more experience than being chucked in the deep end. Problem is, it is not always a good experience. Certainly not like being able to dip your toes in the pool before you get your knees wet, but then many of us wouldn’t do anything if we always did that.

Taking the metaphor literal for a moment, I do this when going for a swim, I just dive in. It is much better to simply dive in, let the shock of cold water wash over you, then swim away. I’ve done it many times and sort of know what to expect… now.

Taking the same principle and applying it to something that you really haven’t done is quite another thing. The sense of drowning is rather disturbing, even when it is a psychological one, and that is how I have felt for a few weeks now since I made the choice to take the plunge, so to speak.

It is not something I have done before, and I didn’t know what to expect. Well, that is the reality. I thought I did know what to expect. I felt that I was ready, and I still do. Only, in truth, I didn’t know what to expect, which has taken me and my sense of readiness a little by surprise.

I look over the past couple of weeks, and in my hindsight, this is how I feel; unprepared. Yet, I also question how I could have been more prepared? And I really haven’t got an answer to that.

My biggest fear is for that of my family. Where is the money? While I see money as a false god of sorts, digital currency rather than something with intrinsic value, money is what the world I find myself in works on. It’s what the bills want to be paid in, and how you buy your food. Regardless of my desires to follow my passion, which I have the full support of my family, and rapidly growing array of friends, I have to make sure my family is able to co-exist with me.

This is the biggest challenge of my life. Even bigger than taking on the role of Presenter for a Web Base Series, which is a steep learning curve in itself.

Nothing could have prepared me enough I think, and yet I still have the voice inside that says I am ready. Fear and confidence, living in co-habitation within the murkiness of my mind.

I need a drink.

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One thought on “Paddling the Deep End

  1. As always, so eloquently stated Jeff. You are not alone. All you need now is steely determination, relentless perseverance and a good dose of faith in the fact that all things happen for a reason and that everything will work out in the end (hey, you’ve probably got all of these already!!!!). Take heart, things start to happen when you persevere down a particular path and put all your energy into “one thing” – in this case the creative pathway (especially when equipped with all the talent, skill, wealth of experience and work ethic such as you have). It is the way of things … and you won’t be disappointed. Take it from someone in the same boat.

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